### Fast Food ###
A tiger and his mate were resting under a tree in the sunderbans.
seeing them, a deer fled past as fast as it could.
“What was that ?” yawned the drowsy tiger,
“Fast food,” said the tigress.
### Optimist ###
Person fell out a window on the 70th floor…
as he sailed past 20th floor, he was overheard saying,
“Doing Okay so far”
### Hearing Problem ###
An elderly gentleman with a hearing problem goes to an audiologist, who fits him with hearing aids.
A Month later, the man returns to the doctor for a checkup.
“Your hearing is almost perfect,” the doctor remarks. “Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”
“Oh, I haven’t told them yet,” the gentleman replies,
“I Just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ ve chnaged my will three times so far!”
### Poor Doctor ###
A guy suffering from a miserable cold begs his doctor for relief.
The doctor prescribes pills. but after a week, the guy’s still sick. So the doctor give him a shot. but that doesn′t help his condition either.
“Okay, this is what i want you to do.” says the doctor on the third visit.
“Go home and take a hot bath. Then throw open all windows and stand in the draft.”
“I’ll get pneumonia!” protests the patient.
“I know. That I can cure.”
Award Winning Useless Discoveries
PEACE PRIZE
Awarded to Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali and Beat Kneubuechi of the University of Bern, Switzerland, For determining which hurts more – being smashed over the head with a full bottle of the beer or with an empty bottle.
PUBLIC HEALTH PRIZE
Awarded to Elena N. Bodnar, Raphael C.Lee, ajd Sandra Marijan of Chicago, for inventing a brassiere that, in an emergency, can be converted into a pair of protective face masks, one for the wearer and one to be given to a lucky bystander.
MEDICINE PRIZE
Awarded to Donald L. Unger of thousand Oaks, California, for investigating a possible cause of arthritis of the fingers, by cracking the knuckles of his left hand – but never the knuckles of his tight hand – twice a day for 60 years.
After being warned by his mother to swear off that demon knuckle cracking, young Donald Unger tested the accuracy of this hypothesis on himself. More than 219,000 cracked knuckles later, the verdict is in: Crack Away Unger could detect no differences between two hands, and he found no evidence of arthritis.
VETERINARY MEDICINE PRIZE
Awarded to Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University, United Kingdom, for showing that cows that have names give more milk than cows that are nameless.
CHEMISTRY PRIZE
Awarded to Javier Morales, Miguel, Apatiga, and Victor M.Castano of Universidad Nacional Autonoma de Mexico, for creating diamonds from taquilla.
BIOLOGY PRIZE
Awarded to Fumiaki Taguchi, Song Guofu, and Zhang Guanglei of Kitasato Univetrsity Graduate School of Medical Sciences in Japan, for demonstrating that kitchen refuse can be reduced by more than 90 percent by using an enzyme-producing bacteria extracted from the faeces of giant pandas.
